That Was the Week That Was

Last updated : 31 August 2002 By Grandmaster Suck
Mr.Happy
The Govanhill Gub
I reckon Mick Jagger got it wrong when he told us that nobody in the world wants yesterday's papers. You see I reckon they are always good to look back at, especially if you want to catch out a hypocrite. And as we know only too well there are plenty of them in Scottish football journalism.

Before consigning the Neil Lennon saga to the u-bend of history, we should never, ever forget what Alan Davidson and Davie Provan had to say about English born, Old Firm players dipping their toes into the murky waters of the religious divide here in the west of Scotland.

Davidson it was who felt obliged to write an open letter to Graham Roberts
in the aftermath of conducting the Ibrox choir in Oct 87. And who will ever
forget Provan inferring on Snide on 3/1/98 that Gazza's half second
invisible flute concerto at the Munky-hoose the day previous could have had
a disastrous effect on the (then fledgling) Ulster Peace Process.

The message from both of these two was unequivocal. Every single action from
the players when set against the backdrop of sectarianism here in Scotland
could have an adverse effect on the opposition support and can only serve to
fuel the flames of bigotry. Funny how this particular gruesome twosome
didn't think to take Neil Lennon to task for his behaviour since coming to
the East End of Glasgow. As we've said before it is one rule for Rangers and
quite another lenient yardstick altogether for the yahoos.

Let's keep with the absurd lengths this lot will go to maintain that
curious, upside down moral highground. There was apparently a letter in one
of the rags during the week from Sao Paulo of all places taking Rangers to
task for our 'Orange' strips. You just couldn't make it up.

The notion that Brazil is some sort of social utopia, where the inhabitants
have all day to sit around lecturing others is not one I can readily
subscribe to. Let's see now. Poverty on a horrendous scale. Hot and cold
running sewage in shanty towns on the outskirts of all the main cities,
nevermind the outback, and street urchins who roam the cities in packs
robbing anyone who they come into contact with. Yet someone who lives among
all that filth, corruption and squalor can find the time to be offended at
the colour of Rangers' change strip? As we've said before you can take the
man away from septic, you will never be able to take septic away from the
man.


Sunday was a strange day all round. Off the field it was nice to be in the
company of so many FFers, especially the ones I met for the first time. It
is suffice to say there were too many to mention and I would no doubt miss a
few out if I were to start naming them all.

On the field there was never any doubt as to the outcome of this game. The
real worry though is that we are still not killing dross off. This very poor
outfit should have been put to the sword before half time. Although I have
to say the disgraceful decision to deny us a stonewall penalty and instead
quite unbelievably ended with a booking for Peter Lovenkrands, did manage to
put us out of our stride early on. In this particular case, I think it is
imperative that Rangers appeal against this quite astonishing judgement.
There is no reason why we shouldn't.

As for Dolly's behaviour in the wee corner at the Broomloan Rd stand. What
can you say that hasn't been said before? Yet even by their own low
standards, last Sunday saw them plumb new depths. How you can stand for a
minute's silence for two kids (and feel good about yourself) and then start
having a wizard wheeze at the death of 66 other innocent people is beyond
me. But hey, that's Dolly for you.

As for their Chief Executive's initiative that 50 Rangers fans and 50
Aberdeen fans should sit holding hands together when Rangers next visit
Pittawdry? Well he should stick to what he does best, servicing hot air
balloons. The fact is, the hatred of Rangers is far too ingrained in our
friends up North for anything to work. I personally can live with that. And
doncha just love their excuses? It is suffice to say that it is now The
Rhebel's fault that they sing the 'Simmie' song.

Don't get me wrong, I suppose someone has to try and take the sting out of
this particular clash. But how can you reason with English hating trash, who
at times can out yahoo the yahoos when it comes to denial? You just have to
trawl through some of last week's posts to know the truth of it. It was an
accident. McCoist is as bad as Simpson is. What golf balls with nails in
them? Then we had a twist on the hoary old chestnut about Nazi salutes. Only
this time we do them with Israeli flags wrapped around us. Whatever gets you
through the sh*te Dolly¹s alright with me too.


Last point about last week's events at Ibrox. It is worth asking again. How
can Derek Johnstone sleep at night? I mean, there he was last week banging
on about the behaviour of 700 Aberdeen fans singing about the Ibrox
Disaster. Yet this same man didn't have the bottle to tell us when around
ten times that number of Celtic fans whistled and jeered throughout the
minute's silence for the Queen Mother?


The winner of this week's 'Who'da thought it. An objective yahoo with a
typewriter' award is won hands down by Jim Black of The Express, for his
article comparing the behaviour of our own Willie Woodburn on the park with
the thuggish behaviour of Roy Keane.

Of course it's hard to compare players who were in their prime half a
century apart, but the last few sentences give you the jist of the article.
"One wonders too, what Willie would have made of Keane's antics. Knowing
Willie he would have been most disapproving. For Willie was simply a hard
man with a penchant for winning, and consequently, gave his all. He was not,
however, a thug in a football jersey and comparisons with Keane are not only
superflous, they are downright insulting."

Quite simply it needs to be repeated, Willie Woodburn was a man's man at a
time when men were indeed men and sheep were even more nervous than Kevin
McNaughton. The only thing left to say is watch out for Fergie's butt hole
surfer slinging some insults Jim Black's way for having the temerity to tell
the truth.


I see also that a certain team from the East End of the city is to join us
in the European Loser's Cup. I'm not going to spend anytime gloating here.
It is suffice to say that at long last MON and his not so merry band of
cheats, divers and cluggers have been found out for what they are.

Whether Timothy cares to admit it or not, the result in Switzerland does
indeed signal the end of MON's honeymoon period. This of course, is because
the yahoo's brain does not function on a normal level. The fact is, they do
believe they are a good enough team for Europe. They do believe that beating
Man Utd in a friendly, Juventus reserves at CP when the Italians were
already through and baulking Ajax of a CL place at a transitional time in
their history LAST SEASON, is supposed to mean something this time around.

A perfect example of this abnormality surfaced not long after their exit I
couldn't help but laugh out loud at one cretin on the mhad site in the wake
of the defeat in Switzerland telling the rest of us that MON could GTF.
Failing that he had to get in some world class acts instead of 2nd rate
Scottish signings.

Hoi Timothy, give yourself a right good shake and let the message seep
through. Scottish football is finished. Your club and mine have conspired to
kill it. Don't get me wrong there was no intent in committing this act (I
don't think you can call it a crime as such) but the fact is simply this.
Never before has there been such a yawning gap between the OF and the rest.
So while you might enjoy winning this two-horse race (just as I would) the
downside is no world class acts are going to come to Scotland. Not as things
stand at present. So dream on bhoy.

For the first time in his CP career, MON now has to face a wee bit of
pressure from the stands. It is imperative that no other self-inflicted
disasters, like the first day at Kilmarnock are allowed to give him any more
breathing space. Over to you Eck.


So it¹s East End Park this Sabbath. It goes without saying that we do not
want a repeat of the very, very Rocky horror show in defence which
characterised our last visit to the Kingdom of Fife, especially in that
first half. But I have to confess I am a wee bit puzzled. I mean, here we
are almost on the eve of the match and that muppet Barry Nicholson hasn't
been in the rags yet telling us how great it is not to be at Ibrox. Talk
about being grateful for small mercies?

Have a good one troops.

The Govanhill Gub