That Was The Week That Was

Last updated : 13 August 2002 By Grandmaster Suck

The winner of last week¹s All Round Good Ghuy' award was won hands down by
part time Livingston something or other and full time Celt, Dominic Keane,
for his dignified stance in sacking a Livi player who gobbed' on a young

There was no argy-bargying with the Argie in question. It was just a
straightforward case of pack your bags and get on the next available flight
back home.' As I said earlier, three loud, resounding hurrahs for the bhoy
Keane. But one last question needs to be asked here. Would he have told Mark
Viduka to take the proverbial powder if he had still been in a position of
power at the munky-hoose, when the big Ozzie foamed his way to a red card at
Dunfermline just a couple of years ago?

Jings, crivens and help ma boab. The world of Scottish light (I said light,
not sh***) entertainment has been rocked on its heels by the news that Rikki
Fulton has been struck down by Alzheimers Disease. Personally speaking I
don¹t see what all the fuss is about. After all, Alzheimers has struck Tony
Roper and Dave Anderson down in its most virulent form twice now in the last
14 years. As anyone who has ever had to watch their version of the Septic
Story will testify! No mention of Maleys statement at the Accident Enquiry.
No Kelly telling Stein to pack his bags in the late 50s on account of his
religion. No mention of 30 years of you know what. I think you get the
picture. Selective Septic Minded Alzheimers Disease. It¹s a lot more common
than you think.

So it was a case of all roads leading down to the coast the Saturday before
last as the season started in earnest. What can I say? It was most
appropriate that the song, OJump Around¹ was played when Killie equalised,
and then given a second airing as the teams left the field at the end of the
game. The fact is, if the manager is prepared to accept the sort of garbage
that was served up to us last week, then Ibrox will end up being his very
own House of Pain.'

As usual I never saw the referee¹s performance the same way our yahoos with
typewriters did. Kenny Clark was awfully inconsistent, especially in the way
he allowed the Killie players to go in with the boot. Also, watch for his
reactions the first time a Ranger boots or punches the ball away in an act
of petulance. Twice he allowed Kilmarnock players to get away with this,
when their antics should have brought them a yellow card. Still, all in all
this is what we¹ve come to expect from Clark.

You just knew that the chances being squandered would comeback to haunt us,
and so it proved. A blind man could have told you that the game was crying
out for McCann to be hauled off and Lovenkrands moved wide and a centre
brought on.

Staying on the subject of Neil McCann. His consistently inconsistent
displays continue to split the Rangers support like no other since Tommy
McLean was brought in from Kilmarnock, coincidentally enough, to take over
from Willie Henderson. But there the comparisons stop. McLean on his day -
and there were plenty of those - was an intelligent, thoughtful footballer.
I don¹t think even McCann¹s most fervent admirers can say he is a footballer
in the McLean mould.

Without doubt though the Rangers support, as a whole needs to try and be
more supportive of McCann on his frequent off days. But as for those who
feel McCann can and does on a regular basis? You really must try and change
your tactics a wee bit. For three years prior to last May, all we¹ve been
subjected to was the following statement OYou never thought he was a bad
player when we won the league at the munky-hoose.¹ Now it¹s OYou never
thought he was a bad player, when he crossed the ball for Lovenkrands in the
Cup Final¹. Give us a break lads.

The fact is, Neil McCann suffers purely and simply because the Rangers
support has been drip-fed on a diet of great wingers for generations. Apart
from a six year blip when Alan Morton retired in 1932 until the coming of
Willie Waddell in 1938 and through the late 40s and early 50s, then ever
since then there has been at least one household name on either wing for
Rangers. Hubbard, Scott, Wilson, Henderson, Johnston, McLean, Cooper,
Walters and Laudrup of course. It was bound to happen sometime that someone
wasn¹t going to measure up on a consistent basis.

One last point about the Killie match. It was with feelings that were
somewhere between sadness and scorn that I looked at all the empty seats in
the two Kilmarnock stands. This lot would have you believe that they are one
of the star turns in Scotland yet they couldn¹t sell all their tickets for
the first home game of the season? What price their lethargy if and when
Rangers do get the hell out of Scottish football?

For proof positive that the modern day footballer has completely lost the
plot, then look no further than the crap we have been subjected to regards
Ibrox invisible man, Darius Adamczuk. Let¹s see now. Here we have a complete
and utter non-entity that is paid somewhere in the region of 500k per year,
for doing a job where the word pressure is not on the menu. And he says he¹s
depressed? Just let me off the bus, and I don¹t really care whether it stops
or not.

In an ever-changing modern world it is good to know that there is a constant
we can always but always rely on. I refer of course to the hypocrisy of the
Septic Minded. Apparently they are in a huff because the SPL want them to
play Thistle in a league match three days before they play a CL qualifier.
They also have the audacity to say that it is in everyone in Scotland¹s best
interests that they shouldn¹t play this game on that day.

But hang on a moment. Isn¹t this the same club who demanded that Rangers
play a meaningless (in the grand scheme of things) Glasgow Cup tie in 1968,
when Rangers had more important engagements in Europe to attend to, and who
have ever since tried to make capital out of this never played tie?

Hang on another even more relevant moment. Have Celtic in the modern era
ever tried to accommodate Rangers when they have been competing in the CL
proper? November 1995 for instance offers up striking similarities to what
the yahoos are complaining about at present.

Back then Rangers were made play an OF league game live on the Sunday for
the benefit of live TV, then they had an important CL match v Bucharest on
the Wednesday. (Which are the exact same conditions the yahoos are
complaining about at present) OK it was a long, long shot. But at that
moment in time, Rangers were still in with a chance of progressing from
their group. Did the yahoos offer to play that game on the Saturday or have
the match postponed Oto provide Rangers with every opportunity to succeed?¹
Yet this is the language the yahoos are using now.

I think there is a refreshing honesty in their blatant insincerity. It is
always good to look at what they get up to and think we¹ll never, ever, be
as low and downright sleazy as they are.

I see that there are a couple of SPL teams in the bidding to bring Paul
Gascoigne back to this country. I can only hope this never comes to pass.
Furthermore, I would hope that all the Rangers who he counts on as pals and
whose thoughts he respects like Walter, Gough, McLaren and McCoist are also
begging him to stay well away. I think I can safely say that every friend of
Rangers is hoping that this is one step too far for the Geordie lad.

Elsewhere, two meaningless issues have came and went within a couple of day
of each other. First off, apparently Arthur Numan has resigned from
International football. I've got two words to say on the issue. Who cares?

The Govanhill Gub.