That Was The Week That Was

Last updated : 03 August 2002 By Grandmaster Suck

The Last of The Summer Whine

Have you anything to declare Timothy, other than your all consuming hatred of Rangers that is? Hello Hello and a new season's greetings to one and all. I know, just when you thought you had seen the last of me, here we are again in at the start of the new season and back to yours truly and his gentle musings on the week gone by.

Since we've all had a nice, wee break this summer and before starting to talk about the coming season and what lies in store for us, I think it is safe to say we witnessed a rather low key World Cup. And as for the summer? Well that was the first weekend in May this year. And to think, the weather lasted till the Monday too.

In case anyone is wondering about the relevance of my opening sentence? Well there were of course a couple of incidents involving the reptiles (who else) across the city during the close season and I think it would be rather amiss of me, not to say a dereliction of my duties to let them pass without comment.

The first one concerns the week round about the end of June, which started with much speculation that MON was for the off down to Leeds, (which to me was always a non story) and ended with the news that David Murray had taken a back seat at the top of The Marble Staircase at Ibrox.

Picture the scene. Two spokesmen for the respective sets of Old Firm supporters are being interviewed live on air. The Rangers man is asked for his thoughts on the speculation regarding MON. He politely declines, saying that it had nothing to with him or Rangers. You know, just normal, run of the mill decorum.

Timothy is then asked for his thoughts on DM's departure from the hot seat at Ibrox. Does he follow the dignified stance of his Ibrox counterpart and say nothing also? Don't you believe it. He comes away with words to the effect that 'Ah thoat he hud a great record these last cupla seasins, so he hud.'

Next up we had some septic fans turning up at one of the friendlies involving Rangers in Noo Yoik. (Without their ETA or Palestinian banners of course) What else is there to be said. They are cowardly, skulking, trash of the highest order whose hatred of Rangers and all things Protestant far outweighs what they feel for their own club.

Lest anyone forgets, this isn’t just a rank and file thing. This venom comes from the top of their club down. Always has done. Remember Tom Grant, telling us that 'Rangers were just a works team', back in 1986? Funny thing is, I can't ever remember a situation at Ibrox whereby we've had successive Chairmen also being directors in one particular company. Unlike Celtic who had Jack McGinn and then Kevin Kelly heavily involved in a certain 'Trinkets Shop'. So I think it is only fair to ask Granty, who are the real 'works team' in Glasgow?

Just in case anyone forgets, remember Desmond White making snidey remarks about Celtic fans preferring to stand, as we put up the best stadium in Britain? Not that White was exactly breaking new ground here. After all, The Catholic Observer had blazed the trail with a few sly digs, which bordered on outright glee in the aftermath of the first Ibrox Disaster in 1902. As we've said before. It's Christianity Tim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it.

Or what about Andy Walker and his snidey 'Gers for Change' remark on hearing that Rangers had been eliminated from the 1994 League Cup at the hands of Falkirk. Hey Andy, who did win the cup that year? The bottom line is, all these instances (and they are but the tip of the iceberg) show that hatred is the very oxygen that sustains Timothy through his sad, bitter little life. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

This hatred is with them through their every waking moment. Like new skid on the block, Grant Morrison. Who him, I hear you ask? Well, Granty bhoy is a cartoonist who has happened to make it big, big, big with Marvel Comics. And guess what. He's alleged to be working on a new plot, which involves the bad guy wearing a Rangers strip. If you want my take on it all? Then I'd say plot wise, he's lost it altogether.

Now you and I as normal human beings may think that a supporter of the club, which allowed Jim Torbett to walk around unfettered for a generation and more, would be the last one to bring up good guys’ v bad ghuys scenarios. But that's Timothy for you. It's that all-consuming hatred. They just can't help themselves, you see.

Anyway, if Morrison actually does come up with a cartoon, which has the villain in a Rangers top. Wouldn’t it be a wizard wheeze if we collectively bombarded Marvel Comics with Emails telling the truth about what actually are morally the differences between Rangers and incestfitbaclub?

But let’s get away from the subject of Timmy’s fevered brow for a moment. One of my all time favourite comedy moments is Denis Leary’s take on Jim Henson’s funeral. Now you may or may not know this, but ‘Kermit the Frog’ and ‘Big Bird’ sang ‘It’s Not Easy Being Green’ at their creator’s leaving do. Leary, understandably in my opinion, is incredulous at the very thought of it. ‘Fifty-six years of age and a fcuking sock is singing at your funeral?’ He asks in a manner that can only be described as derogatory.

Well, in much the same vein I admit to being left with the same feelings of disbelief at the weekend, when I read that The SFA ‘Are set to introduce a licensing scheme that will see them running the game with a rod of iron. This means among other things that said scheme would be able to impose a ban on transfers, order fines, deduct points or relegate.’ It also means that ‘Clubs must be properly run, with no room for massive debt or situations whereby clubs like Airdrie can go out of business and return in a different guise.’

Am I missing something here? There has recently been a national enquiry into the SFA’s financial handling of The National Stadium fiasco. The President of this organisation was part of a board of directors who took Celtic to within hours of bankruptcy. (Not that we should hold that against him) This same man also has open business links with a convicted paedophile. As does a female member of his family. Yet this reptile and his colleagues are now going to tell Rangers FC how to run their business? Stop the world, I want to get off. Rangers FC should be challenging these people at every turn, not allowing them to dictate to us.

Of course, if there has to be a public share flotation to get us out of our present debt, it should come with one condition. And that is, that the man who has got us into the level of debt we have at the moment has to pack his bags and leave. But that is a separate issue altogether.

It wasn’t just the back pages, which caused a derisive snort or two last Sunday. For instance, the article in the Sunday Express supplement about ‘Going back to your roots’ provided a bittersweet read. Take moi as an ex ‘Brigtonian’ as an example.

Let’s just say for the sake of this wee piece that I was ten years younger. Not forgetting the missus and the kids of course. And let us also say for the sake of the argument that nice, wee housing estates were springing up in and around the Bridgeton area. The last thing I would want to do is move back to the place where I grew up. Why? I hear you ask.

Well the fact of the matter is, our sectarian Labour council has made sure that there aren’t any schools in that area to cater for my children. Or for that matter, the children of any other Protestants wishing also to ‘go back to their roots.’

It’s a cute trick when you think about it. The Labour Party (as well as he other main parties, of course) discriminate against the majority of us in terms of providing state funded denominational schooling. Then when in absolute power they then don’t even bother catering for said discriminated children at all.

This really is Mosson and Co at their bigoted best. I give it a generation at tops and Bridgeton will be no more than a distant memory for Protestants in Glasgow. Well, would you move into an area that doesn’t cater for your children’s’ schooling? Still, if you continually vote bigots into power, then this is what happens.

Now to matters on field. Last Sunday saw us entertain AC Milan at the Stadium and a bright and breezy start wasn’t enough to see us collect that notable scalp. It was all we could do to stem the tide in the second half as Milan started to flex their considerable muscle. Klos in particular was in capital form and I would hope his performance is the shape of things to come.

Of course, as guides for how a season will pan out, friendlies make for notorious barometers. But is has to be said that Arteta does look quite tasty. And alongside the likes of Bazza and de Boer should be able to provide us with oodles of quality in midfield. Yet the feeling persists that we are still too shot shy and way, way lightweight in all departments and Alex McLeish will have to address this problem, if league glory is to come his way this season.

Then of course it was onto dear old Belfast Town on Tuesday and sadly there were more than a few Muppets on parade. They wouldn’t have booed Averladze at Ibrox in that manner for doing the hand jive. Were they scared they were going to get knee capped if they didn’t do it at Windsor Park? Do they honestly believe that their behaviour makes them better ‘Prods’ than the rest of us?

I just wish some of these cretins could transport themselves into the press box when they act in such a manner. You know, just to see the effect their behaviour has on our Tims with typewriters. My mole in the Windsor Park media area the other night told me that he thought it was Meg Ryan and not Ewing Grahame who was doing all the yesss, yesss, yessing. How many times do these buffoons need to be told? Timothy wants you to behave the way you do.

Well, a new season is upon us. But rightly or wrongly, I’d like to leave you all this week with a word of caution from the world of science. It concerns yon meteor, which is destined to blooter into Planet Earth in February 2019. Now apparently the last time a meteor of this magnitude collided into us, it wiped the dinosaurs of the face of the earth. Which means folks. That you still have another 17 years of me to put up me!

Have a good un bears.

We are the People.

The Govanhill Gub.