Lions and Tigers and Bears: oh my!

Last updated : 22 July 2013 By David Carson

No, not the Vince McMahon one where Shawn Michaels reigns supreme as the greatest champ of ... (Editorial cut for reasons of space and taste).

I asked the nice lady – Hello Alison – for some details about sponsoring a Tiger.

Their website claims that there’s somewhere between 3,000 and 3,200 left in the wild, so I cut straight to the point: I’ve got about £41,666 per month to spend, so could I sponsor each and every one of these beautiful beasts to the tune of £10 per month (I'll keep the change) and let’s save some habitat and make it more likely than in future my grandkids will be able one day to pose with one of the little cute ones and feed it some milk.

Alison was very polite and talked me through the theoretical possibility but suggested it was an unlikely undertaking. I was disappointed – I’m loaded – but I thanked her and lived to fight another day.

I agreed to sponsor one little chap and the pack will soon be through the door. That 500k a year will have to go to someone more qualified, worthy and perhaps aware of the financial situation.

“We’ve worked hard to ensure from a financial perspective we’re living within our means.”

You tell them, Mr. Mather!