John Motson suggested that Rodriguez, the Mexican in charge of the England v Ecuador game, might be a bit of a balloon - did I say it takes one to know one? - and it was quickly clear this Christopher Lee lookalike was determined to be the centre of attention. But even before he had started irritating everyone with his erratic interpretation of the laws of the game, England were in front. Carlos Gammara was first to a trademark Beckham free-kick delivered with pace but, while the defender beat Terry and Owen to the ball, he succeeded only in glancing it into his own net.
It was the perfect start for Sven's men, as Motson kept reminding us, and it looked like getting better just a couple of minutes later when keeper Villar injured himself when he raced from his line to make a clearance. He was promptly replaced by Bobadilla and the sub was first to draw the ref a dirty look when he was penalised for holding on to the ball for too long. There were weird decisions aplenty throughout the afternoon, with both team's suffering from his eccentricities, although Motty seemed to think he had it in for England.
Having made such a good start, England really should have put the Paraguayans to sleep before half-time. And it is that failure to send out a declaration of intent which should worry their fans. Paraguay were no more than a half-decent team and any side with genuine World Cup aspirations would have romped all over them. Can you imagine how they would have got on against Brazil or Argentina…or Trinidad & Tobago? Ha-ha!
England were hanging on at the end and, as they are inclined to do, the TV pundits glossed over their shortcomings. Sure, winning was all that really mattered and, by the time Sweden and Trinidad & Tobago were taking to the field, the experts already had their team well on their way to winning the group. And all BEFORE the game in Dortmund.
The big disappointment for all Bears was that neither Marvin Andrews nor Karl Svensson featured in the action. Big Marv's dicky knee has flared up again and, having seen the Soca Warriors make such a good start, I wonder if Leo Beenhaaker will now be tempted to stick with the guys who did so well at the Westfalen Stadion and our man has to spend the entire tournament on the bench. I certainly hope not. As the big fella himself would say: Keep believing!
Shamsul Maiden (or should that be Midden?), from the football hotbed of Singapore, was the man in charge at Dortmund and he looked like he was following Marco Rodriguez's lead. Too fond of the sound of his own whistle, he had a distinct aversion to applying the advantage rule. These days it would appear that all you need to do to get a FIFA referees' badge is be a rotten ref to both teams. Well, you can't be fairer than that!!!
An overrated guy from the fringes of the Barcelona squad - can't quite remember his name - was in from the start for Sweden but the main threat undoubtedly came from Ibrahimovic. Yet the man from Juventus just couldn't shake off Brentford defender Brent Sancho, who was only in the side because Big Marv had failed his fitness test. Indeed, T&T were full of stop-gap selections, none more so than keeper Shaka Hislop who benefitted from Dundee's Kelvin Jack taking a tumble on the stairs leading to the dressing-room after his pre-match warm-up.
When the ref decided an over-enthusiastic tackle from Avery John was worthy of a second yellow card in the opening minute of the second half, you felt it was only a matter of time before Sweden made the breakthrough. But Marvin's mates stood firm and the Swedes grew more desperate and more despondent as the minutes ticked away. Him-wi-the tongue must have felt more pissed off than most. After all, didn't he have plenty of practice at taking liberties against ten men during his spell at the Scum Dome? And he reverted to type in the dying seconds when he was booked for 'unsporting behaviour'. Old habits die hard.
It was a great performance from Trinidad & Tobago but, of course, more importantly for the jokers on the telly, it was a great result for England. And Jim Rosenthal couldn't wait to tell the nation that, if England beat T&T on Thursday night, they'll have won the group. Do the sums, Jim. Victory on Thursday would give England six points but Sweden could still pick up seven. How do they get the jobs…or maybe you don't need to be able to count to get a job on TV. Hey, wouldn't it be great if the Soca Warriors could pull off another shock in Nuremberg? Keep believing? You bet!!!
Unfortunately, I can't see England under-estimating their midweek opponents now. They will go for it on Thursday and, while I don't doubt T&T's willingness to work, the greater quality in the Engish ranks should be enough to see them get another three points and take them through to the knock-out stages. But after today's setback Sweden should have a point to prove, I fancy them to see off Paraguay, then the scene will be set for a cracker of a match when they met England in the Group B decider in Ciologne on June 20.
Having watched two braindead whistlers earlier in the day, I thought we might have another one on parade at Argentina v Ivory Coast when Belgian ref Frank de Bleeckre ruled that Ayala's first half header hadn't crossed the line. It looked like it wouldn't matter when Crespo and Saviola fired the Argies into a 2-0 half-time lead but, with the game dying a bit after the interval, I felt it could get very interesting and maybe a tad controversial if Didier Drogba or one of his lot could manage to pull a goal back.
Eight minutes from the end the big man struck and suddenly it was game on again. If Argentina had a sense of grievance about the goal they were denied in the first half, they might have lost the plot altogether when the linesman's flag ruled out a late goal from Maxi Rodriguez. In a thriller of a finish, Argentina held out and, despite their late worries, they did enough to tell me they are genuine contenders. While England awaits the return of Rooney, the Argies looked like they didn't miss Lionel Messi one little bit and, unlike England, they have no need to rush their absentee back into action. And although they are in a more demanding group than the English, I reckon the Argies will be more pleased with their Saturday shift than Sven's men were with theirs.
With just four goals from three games, today's stuff maybe wasn't quite as entertaining as yesterday's but I kicked every ball with Trinidad & Tobago and was rooting for the Ivory Coast for the last 20 minutes of tonight's match. So much for not getting too involved.
Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to being decked out in orange for Holland tomorrow. With the Dutch kicking off at two o'clock, I just hope I'm sober enough to do the diary at the end of the day's business.
LITTLE BOY BLUE