Dirty - Filthy - Nasty

Last updated : 07 January 2003 By Grandmaster Suck

No, FFers, its not the first three words of the extremely raunchy and enjoyable new Christina Aguilera video but the antics of the truly Mhanky Mhob, both on and off the field of play. Where would you start with this shower of social inadequates. Well, maybe at the Brox on Dec 7 where their quite appalling behaviour should have led to at least 4 red cards had there been a decent referee in charge.

Its quite incredulous that Dundee United's Jim McIntyre gets sent off for 'intent' while Welsh tart Hartson blatantly kicks Barry Ferguson off the ball in full of the cheat that was Kenny Clark and only gets a booking.

Despite this, he then even more blatantly punches Craig Moore and gets away with it due to Clark¹s cowardice.

Next up we have Lurgan Lardarse Lennon, the man who is slower than a week in Barlinnie. This overweight, overpaid, over-here dud goes over the ball at Bazza, gets booked and then lashes the ball away again in clear view of the ref who cops out once again.

Step forward big bad Bobo, who was allowed to hack and maim again to his heart¹s content and gave a lead to Laursen who committed 3 shocking tackles, safe in the knowledge he would not go off. The most laughable part of the weekend was the almost total praise Clark got from the trash with typewriters who showed their total lack of knowledge of the laws of the game. Predictably, to a man, they were in full agreement over the Ricksen red the following week.

Despite the twelth man, Rangers gave the great unwashed a goal of a start then a good beating. Moore and Fergie were truly outstanding and Bob Malcolm had a great effect on proceedings when he came on. Obviously, the current lack of success against the Freckled One has caused the demented Leprechaun a great deal of consternation and his 'astonishingly brilliant' post-match interview was proof of this. For sure, the bhoyo hasn't had his troubles to seek recently and for this particular correspondent, its been bloody brilliant to watch.

I have to laugh out loud at former Rangers stalwarts Richard Gough and Alistair McCoist who have been very quick to leap to the Soapdodgers defence, Ally, the man who has been in more beds than Charlie Dimmock's trowel, being very quick to slag off Rangers fans for booing the underachiever that is Charlie Miller. Those SCIAF sessions are paying off for you big time , Ally. Can't quite recollect any sympathy from republican quarters when Mr McCoist had his own personal problems. You two are obviously following the well worn Uncle Tom route to journalistic success. Only one rule, rubbish the Teddy Bears at every available opportunity. How sad.

Anyway, Rangers and Alec McLeish clearly have the demented one's measure and long may it continue.

Now for the Giro cashers on tour. I didn't know Broo money stretched as far as a jaunt to Vigo but you live and learn. Let¹s try and analyse this incident using a tactic which is distinctly alien to most Bheggars, that is, the TRUTH, or telling it like it is! 20 empty bottles of booze found on the plane at Cardiff airport, braindead eejits risking everyone's lives on board by persisting in the filthy habit of smoking, punching a stewardess (very brave bhoys).

Again, those in charge at the Stydome refuse to condemn these loutish acts, preferring to blame people trying to do their jobs in the face of such anti-social behaviour. No change there, then! Let¹s just hope that the full force of British justice is brought to bear on these pond life (I was going to call them animals but I have a 19 year old cat who would never carry on in such a fashion and would be horrified by the comparison).

Finally, we have the rhole mhodels, the crème de la crème of Bheggar society, who for the second year running have managed to do the impossible which is drag Celtic's name through the mud. Jings, all they did was grope a barmaid's arse, grapple with a few bouncers then set about a cameraman and blag his memory card. Again, perfectly acceptable behaviour up the Garngad, in fact maybe even obligatory, but not in the rest of western civilization.

The sight of the Lurgan Lardarse being frogmarched away in handcuffs was the snap of the year and the other Gateshead 3 doing their own mini version of the huddle were manna from heaven. But we all know don't we that these Masons get everywhere, even to a girlie bar on the Tyne and these poor innocents abroad were set up by those with a bare kneed persuasion.

The Leaping Leprechaun really excelled himself here, he really really did. His players were totally and utterly innocent of all charges but, oh, they were all barred from ever having a night-out together again.

Confused, you sure will be! So the story is the scantily clad Geordiess rubbed herself against Petrov, the bouncers took a right liberty with these paragons of virtue and then the nasty photographer beat himself up and stole his own equipment to make the greyer than grey Hoopies look bad.

I'll tell you what, they have some imagination at these Masonic Lodges, the schemes they devise to besmirch the good name of Sellick. Well, it is the season for fairytales, isn't it?

Almost a nasty sting at the Jaggy Thistle

Don't know what it is but we ALWAYS seem to struggle against Scottish Football's cuddly toy, the Jolly Jags who sportingly treat victory and defeat with equal happiness. At least that's what they'd like you to believe. At least, like all good Christmas tales, there was a happy ending, 3 more points for the Sons towards the championship we crave but this was definitely in the grind out variety. However, as unpalatable as the match definitely was, these ARE the types of victories which win titles so we'll smile quietly and stick the points away. One last point, though. Discipline will be vital in the second half of the season and we need as few needless bookings as possible. I trust, therefore, that Alex McLeish will fine the Italian prima donna, Senor Amoruso for his appaling petulance which resulted in a totally unnecessary booking which may prove vital. When you are playing as bad as at present, Amo, it may be a good idea not to draw too much attention upon yourself.